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"Three — two — one — descent initiating," the robotic voice says, and Sarah mutters a few choice phrases under her breath. The descent doesn't produce a sound, only a faint tremor as the Planetary Exploration Vehicle — PEV, of course, the latest in a long line of NASA acronyms — detaches from the spacecraft that has carried it most of the way to Neptune.

She watches the monitors in front of her as the rotation starts. Small maneuvering thrusters fire, spinning the pod she's in clockwise, while other thrusters on the counterweight fire as well, keeping the somewhat lopsided barbell-like spacecraft from moving laterally. The result, the engineers claimed, would be artificial gravity without actually needing to invent it; as long as there was a small force applied to keep the outer pod spinning, the person inside should feel normal Earth gravity through centrifugal force. It was the solution to the bone density loss and a number of other issues that were first discovered by the International Space Station astronauts and cosmonauts, issues that arose from a species being in zero gravity for extended periods of time when it was never designed to.

It also looked like the engineers were right for once, according to the numbers she was carefully watching. Lateral velocity was increasing, but just enough to put her in the stable orbit she was planning for. Angular momentum was increasing as well, and she was starting to feel 'grounded', so to speak, even without the restraints she had on.

Fifteen seconds had passed, and it was time to check in. At this distance, Houston wouldn't get it for almost five hours, but it was important to stick to the standards. Even if the standards only helped the peopel who would come after her, she thinks, wryly.

"Houston, PEV detach successful, thrusters nominal, angular momentum creating oh-point-three gravities and holding. Spinning her up to cycle two, target oh-point-six gravities, t-minus five minutes to orbit path. Approach is on track, no deviations."

Sarah's fingers move quickly but carefully over the instrument panel — nothing touchscreen, given the dangers of possibly starting a sequence unintentionally — and finally flick up the protective housing of a button, pressing it to initiate the second phase of descent.

Big and red, she can't help but note, with some amusement — it had always been like that in the training, but she figured that they'd swap it out for something less ominous in the real craft. Apparently the engineers thought it appropriate, and she simply shakes her head before returning her attention to the monitors, watching as the thrusters fire again, this time much harder. Everything looks good, and she feels the floor beneath her grow heavier as her pod spins faster and faster around the centerpoint.

Suddenly, though, there's a relentless beeping, filling the pod — one of the thrusters is showing abnormal power levels. Sarah glances at it, and with help millions of miles away, makes a snap decision to throw the kill switch on that thruster. The other ones will have to compensate, but she's well within acceptable deviances for the orbit, so it should all be fine.

And it is, for a few moments, until the thruster blows completely, a silent explosion that's felt by two things: the tremor that rocks the craft, and the more concerning fact that the program is no longer a stable rotation around a single axis, the counterweight, but rather an unstable acceleration with a center-point between both pods, one that only leads to more instabilities.

The floor is heavy — too heavy, now, as the rotation keeps speeding up. The program is trying to compensate for the blown thruster, but the instruments aren't reading the tolerances correctly, and there's already been too much spin. The thrusters should have shut down by now, but instead they're on full blast, and there are pulls sideways, as well as downwards, as the craft spins crazily in space.

Sarah feels lightheaded now, as the blood starts rushing away from her head, as the g-forces increase far beyond what they should. She tries to focus, looking at the screens, as the instruments in front of her, but all she can think about is that she's about to pass out, and the PEV will simply disappear into Neptune's atmosphere, spiralling out of control until it's crushed in the deeps by the immense pressure.

And in those last moments of consciousness, she suddenly flashes upon a childhood memory. A state fair in Kentucky, a long time ago, a moment when she felt just as lightheaded, though for different reasons. There was whirling, yes, there was a pressure pushing her down in her seat, but there was also a boy, next to her, and she doesn't know why she's thinking about this now when she knows with certainly that she's on her way to her death.

But the scene keeps on playing in her mind, and she remembers with a strange clarity what she did then, trying to focus on her hands on the rail she was gripping instead of throwing up on her date on this spinny-thing he suggested they go on, the spinny-thing that she stupidly said yes to even though she knew that she wasn't going to enjoy it, simply because she wanted to impress him.

And she does that now, focusing on the instrument panel in front of her instead of the forces that are pressing her down and back and left and right, and reaches out, screwing her eyes shut as she did those years ago, searching for the abort button she knows is there.

And she remembers getting off the ride and turning to her date, smiling gleefully as she sees him tossing his cookies into the trash can, and she reaches, reaches, and slaps her hand down with the last of her strength.




-

A/N: Something of a less philosophical and more action-y entry. I saw the topic and sort of just stewed on it for a while, really wanting to actually place the story in an old-school state fair where they actually had tilt-a-whirls. It was almost a 1960s romance until I got the scifi part down, actually, when I realized that there was a great concept on centrifugal force. After I jumped to that, I realized that the near-death-experience life-flashing concept would be a good place to tie in the flashback, and then it was just a matter of writing it (no work emergency this time, though thank goodness for mobile internet, as I'm on a bus to Tahoe). Structure-wise, I tried to make it so that it goes from longer paragraphs to shorter ones as the extrapolation progresses into action, and I didn't want to be too specific about the protagonist, except that I knew she should be a woman — it just felt right, for some reason. Besides, we don't have enough of those as main characters, or as astronauts in real life. As always, criticism is welcome!

Date: 2013-03-01 02:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com
I really, really like how you incorporated a simple childhood memory with the impending doom of the main character. There's definitely quite a bit of tension here, especially towards the end.

I do wonder if the immediacy could have come through better if it weren't written in present tense -- but I also just have a thing against present tense in a third-person piece. So you might just have to ignore me, lol.

Date: 2013-03-04 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
It's definitely a good point — I think first person present is better. I actually started with third-person past, but changed it after a bit of tweaking. I'm not totally sure I could pull off a first-person female voice, truth be told.

Date: 2013-03-04 11:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] theun4givables.livejournal.com
Ah, I totally understand that uncertainty. I have a hard time with female voices and I AM female. For what it's worth, I think you could pull it off. :)

Date: 2013-03-01 06:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lrig-rorrim.livejournal.com
Oooo, I really liked this. The concept was really neat, and the way you worked in the flashback was perfect. The structure fits everything perfectly, and helps to ramp up the urgency throughout. Nice!

Date: 2013-03-04 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Thanks!

Date: 2013-03-02 12:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alien-writings.livejournal.com
she should be a woman — it just felt right, for some reason. Besides, we don't have enough of those as main characters, or as astronauts in real life.

This is so true -- there really aren't enough women protagonists, especially ones doing cool things like being astronauts.

I think you did a good job incorporating the memory into your story. :)

Date: 2013-03-04 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
:) Thank you!

Date: 2013-03-02 10:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
I also liked the seemingly 'light' memory showing up in such a dark moment, where the brain abstracts to the closest thing it knows.

I don't have issues with present tense OR third person, an I think present-tense helps the immediacy, which can be important in a thriller/horror setting.

Date: 2013-03-04 11:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
-nods- thank you! I might tweak it and try first person, since more than a few people have mentioned it.

Date: 2013-03-02 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] heeroluva.livejournal.com
Good ending point, letting the reader decide if the button works or not. :D

Date: 2013-03-04 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Did it work, in your mind? ;)

Date: 2013-03-04 11:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] heeroluva.livejournal.com
Yep. I actually thought you were going to end were her dying, so it was nice to leave it up to interpretation.

Date: 2013-03-03 06:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] baxaphobia.livejournal.com
I really enjoyed this. The tension through the whole piece was great!

Date: 2013-03-04 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Thanks!

Date: 2013-03-04 03:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] whipchick.livejournal.com
Really nice piece. The way you go from the present to the past is so well-done. Very vivid!

Date: 2013-03-04 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Thank you!

Date: 2013-03-04 03:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] roina-arwen.livejournal.com
Very enjoyable and believable - well done!

Date: 2013-03-04 11:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Thanks!

Date: 2013-03-04 08:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jem0000000.livejournal.com
I like the way that the danger causes her to immediately think of something that might help, even though it's seemingly unrelated -- very realistic. :)

Date: 2013-03-04 11:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
Human brains are strange and inexplicably awesome things :)

Date: 2013-03-04 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] fourzoas.livejournal.com
Loved it and the comment at the end about your process in writing it; this was a topic that cried out for some experimentation and that sort of thinking. I felt myself almost spinning as I read, so good on you!

Date: 2013-03-04 11:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] talon.livejournal.com
I'm glad that the notes are working for people; it's sort of an experiment for me to walk people through my thought process instead of just letting it stand on its own.

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