the fiction of the fix

[talonkarrde]

The first time you plug in, it's incredible — with no exaggeration, it changes your world. Cheekily, you joke to someone that it blows your mind. Technology has advanced to the point where surgery isn't necessary to plug in, where just wearing a neural-net cap that rests comforably over your hair is enough to reach your synapses and stimulate them to great effect. It doesn't give you a hundred percent touch — only a true neural-network-interface would do that, and you're not so fond of the surgery, the ugly looking jack-in plug, the judgment. But even with a neural net, when you hit the button, the sensation—

Oh, the sensation.

A thousand (what can only described as) orgasms in your brain at the same time. Sheer happiness. Some mix of ice cream melting on your tongue as a lover touches you as everything that could go right in your life goes right and it goes on and on and—

The five second timer expires, and it comes to a very abrupt stop — though with an afterglow. There's a mandatory limit in waiting to get another 'dose', as they're calling it, one enforced by the code. You realize why: people could — would — will — get hooked on this. It's better than any drug, gives you a better high, and doesn't have any side effects.

In fact, you should be careful, you think to yourself. You have a life, a job, and you can't get hooked on this. You promise that you're just going to take hits — doses — of it from time to time, when things get bad.

And you do. For a month, then two, and even three, you only jack in once or twice a week, experience that pure bliss just a little at a time. And then you come back to the real world, to the responsibilities, the happiness, the ups and downs of your day to day life, and it's not so bad, really.

But something's changing, subtly enough that you don't really notice it — something about the fact that the happiness you experience outside in the world isn't quite as strong as what you feel when you're jacking in. You get a promotion, and it's happy — but it's not quite the same as being happy all over your body at the same time that your mind is screaming with joy. You know, instinctively, that your feelings are still powered by the same neurotransmitters — dopamine, serotinin, endorphins, but it's not as vibrant.

Not as real.

And in comparison to what you've felt, it feels a bit lacking. A bit empty, even. So you think about it for a bit, and say to yourself, well, why not boost the real world with some more happiness? Why not plug in when something great happens? When your daughter wins a soccer game, when your wife announces that she's gotten her dream job in research, when you have a great meeting approving your latest project with the head of the business development group, you jack in to supplement the happiness that you feel in real life.

For a time, it works: happy moments are truly happy. But after a bit, the smaller things seem smaller now, and, well, you don't want those to feel small. You think that those should make you happy as well, and now you're plugging in two, three, five times a day. You're doing great, riding the clouds, consistently feeling amazing. Some small part of you protests feebly that what you're doing isn't right, now that you're comming fraud by borrowing the ID cards of your family to jack in, paying for illegal programs from the darknet that allow you access more than once a day.

But you wave those aside, dispell them easily — you've been doing great. Your family loves you, your friends love you — it's just a little more to stay as on top of things. You're not a junkie — you're the most high performing you've ever been. And you're going to keep it that way.

And you do, for a few more months. But there's something that starts nagging at you. Not your conscience, but rather the fact that the afterglow has gotten shorter and shorter — you're still happy when you're in it, but that euphoria fades faster now than it used to. But you can't keep jacking in every hour — at some point, someone will know.

But the afterglow is fading. It's fading. So you search the net, then the darknet, for more information. Why is there a time limit at all, you post. And someone responds: There doesn't have to be

After a few days, your bank account is substantially smaller, something that you'll have to explain to your wife later, but you've acquired one more software patch, one more extension of the program: it removes the five second limit. And you smile cheerily at your family as you tell them that you'll be right back, you're just going to take a quick trip to the 'loo', and they all laugh at your phrasing.

And then you hit the switch, and you turn from an ordinary functioning human being to a pile of dopamine receptors that fire again and again, again and again, again and again, ad infinitum.

Longer than five seconds.

Much longer.

Your family finds your body a few hours later — when your son reaches out to stop the program, your eyes are blank, and you don't acknowledge that the program's stopped, or their frantic shouts, or the shake of your shoulders.

There aren't any synapses left to fire.

Comments

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I like this, but I think it would be more effective written in the third person. The second person you kept making me look around and think, Who's he talking to? This ain't me. :-)

[talon.livejournal.com]

Totally. I think second person is great if a writer can lead the reader down a path where the reader agrees 'that is me'; from what I've read it tends to make the conclusion more hard hitting. This scenario is probably more alienating than something I'd usually try to use second person for, and I don't think I pulled it off well enough to be convincing.

[reckless-blues.livejournal.com]

For me second person was more impactful (and very uncomfortable) because I used to dabble in needle sports and I'm genuinely surprised I didn't become a morphine addict. I was really skirting the line for a while. Ugh. I hope not many people in Idol have tried intravenous drugs, though.

Well, it rang true, so there's that.

[mallorys-camera.livejournal.com]

I don't think I pulled it off well enough to be convincing.

I don't agree. :-) You're a strong writer. Third person here would make a strong piece even stronger. :-)

[jexia]

This ^

[mamas-minion.livejournal.com]

Interesting take on the topic, a little bit of cyber punk theme very cool

[talon.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I like me my cyberpunk :)

[karmasoup.livejournal.com]

I think this would have been strongest, actually, if we're talking about strengths, as first person. But I still thinks it works. It might possibly have had a different impact a different way, but you still pulled it off.

[talon.livejournal.com]

Thank you! First person would be interesting, definitely. I think I might do an experiment in the future where I write things in three different ways in one piece, just for the shifts.

[roina-arwen.livejournal.com]

And here I thought the "five second rule" was only for food dropped on the floor!

I really enjoyed this. :)

[talon.livejournal.com]

Five seconds for food, five seconds for frying your brain :)

[ryl.livejournal.com]

And then you hit the switch, and you turn from an ordinary functioning human being to a pile of dopamine receptors that fire again and again, again and again, again and again, ad infinitum.

I love this line. It illustrates the dangers of addiction and adds just a touch of terror with the repetition.

[talon.livejournal.com]

Thank you :) I wanted to really push it home.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

I found the "you" fairly immersive, but I'm used to thinking of "you" as someone besides me -- as, perhaps, an invitation to identify with humanity in general -- so that might actually be a difference in the way I view second person.

[talon.livejournal.com]

'you lot!' 'you, the human' 'you there, in that corner' :P

that's an interesting point, actually, on the use of second person.

[jem0000000.livejournal.com]

Lol! That, and when I read, I read in my own (mental) voice; "you" in my voice means I'm talking about someone else, because in my voice an abstract concept representing "Jem" is me and "you" is not me. ;)

Thanks! I think the other version is more traditional, but it's something I try to think about when I use "you".

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

I liked this take very much--it's so easy to think that your addiction isn't actually one, because it's not alcohol or drugs. But when you progressively hand your life over in pursuit of getting stuck in an artificially happy place... that's the higher-level definition of an addiction.

[talon.livejournal.com]

a more philosophical addiction, i think, instead of a biological one. *nods*

[penpusher.livejournal.com]

That's burnt out! But well captured feeling of both euphoria and desperation, or really, the desperation to get more euphoria. I presume as long as there are substances that can provide such feelings, there will likely be people trying to live in that moment, no matter what age or era...

[beeker121.livejournal.com]

This is a very succinct description of the slide into addiction, and all the denial and craziness that comes with it. The last line is chillingly final.

[suesniffsglue.livejournal.com]

I like the "you" approach--worked for me!

[shimmerdream.livejournal.com]

I like the second-person approach. I don't think first person would have worked because by the end your protagonist is a cabbage so wouldn't have been able to tell the story. This was a great story about addiction with a sci-fi twist.