I did notice the dirt-steel-etc transitions and I think they work a lot better than just cell-corridor-room, although I didn't think to comment on it because 11pm is late for me now. I also like the way the tactile sense continues in the description of the bridge after he regains sight; being able to see doesn't automatically become dominant, like he isn't used to it yet.
The way the last line is worded made it seem as if they were waiting on both sides of the bank in case he did make it-- I was reading it as "They were standing on the opposite bank, [which was] only ten paces more..." so I did assume this one died. I don't think of Apples as ending in death as much as I used to; much like this one, I never saw it as being open-ended at first, but then you mentioned some things about how you'd continue it that changed the way I looked at it.
I know they all die (or seem as if they might have died) for reasons; I understand the reasons and I like them, from story to story. It's mostly just that when I think of the stories that end that way in a general sense, all of them at once, I don't end up with a vague sense of the individual impact of each one-- I just end up thinking that they all end the same way. When I read them separately I can see that they all end that way for different reasons, and I know I should think of the reasons behind the deaths instead of just the deaths. But I don't end up processing it that way, so it ends up annoying me.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2008-08-31 07:54 pm (UTC)The way the last line is worded made it seem as if they were waiting on both sides of the bank in case he did make it-- I was reading it as "They were standing on the opposite bank, [which was] only ten paces more..." so I did assume this one died. I don't think of Apples as ending in death as much as I used to; much like this one, I never saw it as being open-ended at first, but then you mentioned some things about how you'd continue it that changed the way I looked at it.
I know they all die (or seem as if they might have died) for reasons; I understand the reasons and I like them, from story to story. It's mostly just that when I think of the stories that end that way in a general sense, all of them at once, I don't end up with a vague sense of the individual impact of each one-- I just end up thinking that they all end the same way. When I read them separately I can see that they all end that way for different reasons, and I know I should think of the reasons behind the deaths instead of just the deaths. But I don't end up processing it that way, so it ends up annoying me.